I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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