did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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