she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So many bounce houses so little time
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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