you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
