Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i think im in europe. pls send help
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
