last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
