The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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