Im at strip club and am horny
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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