Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
