He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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