The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
if only i could text you this smell
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
