I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
