Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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