i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
