An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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