You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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