the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
