Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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