he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
