This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
