the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
