just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
