where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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