Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
