There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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