So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
