I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I didn't shave. On purpose
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
