You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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