as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you had me at cake vodka
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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