The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Randomize
