she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
