Can i not drive my cunt home
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
