I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
