fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
