I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
