Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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