I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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