I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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