Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
