I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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