It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
