Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
