big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
