Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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