Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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