He is such a slut. More and more my type.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
