You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
