This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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