I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
