You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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