i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
