she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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