just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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