So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i've created a new STD.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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