Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Alive.
So much puke
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
